knarrly
Pride Admin
TLKP Forum Founder"No Life" Club Member Lazy Lioness (Simba is mine!)
Self-proclaimed Queen of the Pride Lands
Posts: 7,708
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Post by knarrly on Mar 10, 2007 23:04:34 GMT -5
And I thought the 50 pounder at the local diner was the biggest! I guess they finally got beaten.
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Post by ♠Rafiki♠ on Mar 13, 2007 16:35:32 GMT -5
Good evening Lions and lionesses! This is TLKBN, and I'm Rafiki the mandrill, your host. Don'tcha love those bad*** catch 22 situations? Buddist Monks at Hong Hock See Temple [in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia] like all Buddist monks are bound by faith to a life of nonviolence, Right? So what are they going to do when the temple has been invaded by a horde of Poisonous Ants? Temple volunteer worker Elma Lin has told reporters that the ants are such a problem that they even bit a follower badly enough that he had to be hospitolized. The cheif monk, Boon Keng, even took a picture standing next to a sign that said "Beware Poisonous ants. Do not sit under tree." They even tried to use a vaccume cleaner to release them into a nearby forest, but that failed to permanently get rid of them.Ph34r t3h 5<13|\|71575!!! [Fear the scientists!!] Scientists have been able to wipe free a single, specific memory from the minds of rats, and were able to leave all other recollections intact. They teached the rats to Ph34r [fear] 2 specific tunes of music, by playing those tunes at the same time administering a mild electrical shock. Every time the tunes were played, the shock was administered, and before long the rats began to associate the tunes with pain, and began to ph34r [fear] it . They administered a drug [not allowed for use in humans] to the rats that made them experience a limited amneisia. The group of rats that did not get the drug acted scared, like they were expecting the shock when the tunes were played. The group that did recieve the drug acted as if nothing was wrong. Then, the group that got the drug had 1 tune re-associated with the shock. While the first tune they experienced the shock did nothing since they forgot it, the second one they had re-associated with pain, they learned to ph34r [fear] again. Scientists hope to use these findings to develope a cure for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD, common in war veterans.Uhh, yeah, I'll have my chicken in the outlet please.... A swedish firm is looking at using dead chickens as an alternative power source. They are seeking a permet that allows the annual purchase of 9,000 dead chickens, along with some other combustable waste to burn as a fuel source. They say that this is doing nearby egg ranches a favor by clearing out the dead fowl."Oh, I hate dat scwewy wabbit..." Mitchell Walter who works for the missouri water treatment plant was out on the job inspecting some treatment plant property when he was accosted a rabbit, who jumped in the passenger's seat of the cart. Not to crazy right? Wrong! Hot on the rabbit's tail was a 25 lb. bobcat. The rabbit was able to leap to freedom, while Walter was still driving along in the cart with the bobcat. He suffered minor injuries received from pushing the bobcat out of the cart. A painful round of Rabies shots later, Walter figured it could have been worse. It is not know if he has demanded hazard pay yet.Thank you lions and lionesses, this has been TLKBN, your source for retarded news updates, and I'm Rafiki the mandrill. Thank you and goodnight! Today's quote:Peace and Justice are two sides of the same coin. -Dwight D. EisenhowerToday's fact:On april 15th, 1912, the RMS Titanic sunk on her maiden voyage, and over 1,500 people were lost to the deep. 14 years [around 10-11 years before the construction was even started] before the accident, a man who went by the name of Morgan Robertson published a fictional book of a fictional ship nearly the same size as the Titanic that hit an iceberg on a misty april night. The name of Robertson's ship? The Titan.Special thanks:Teensimba for submitting the daily quote.[You can PM me daily quotes or facts, and I will try and recognize you too]
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Post by TeenSimba on Mar 13, 2007 17:11:21 GMT -5
Great news! The rat one is really wierd one.
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Post by ♠Rafiki♠ on Mar 14, 2007 16:36:31 GMT -5
Good day Lions and Lionesses! This is TLKBN, your source for retarted news stories! I'm rafiki the mandrill coming to you live from my baobab tree! At least the talking sandwitch in the muffler wasn't hurt.... Phillip C. Holliday Jr., 42, pleaded not guilty Tuesday to felony charges of criminal endangerment and drunken driving. He ran a red light nearly missing an oncoming truck, which he swirved and missed. Making an erratic U-turn through a gass station, he crossed the street and smashed into a light pole. When police aprehended him, he told them he was free of blame, since he siad that he wasn't driving. He told the police a Unicorn was the driver. He supposedly had 14 previous drunk driving covictions and luckily no one was harmed.I never did like doing roof work... A 91 year old german man had to be scraped off the roof of a building he was working on in the eastern city of Magdeburg, on Tuesday. Chillax, he's totally fine. But, several people saw the elderly man on the roof, and some even thought he was going to commit suicide. "In fact he was just re-coating the roofing with bitumen [tar]. But then he slipped," said a police spokesman. "When we got there, he was like a beetle on its back, with his arms and legs sprawled out and completely glued to the roof," he added. "Due to his age, he couldn't free himself from his unfortunate situation." The elderly man was stuck in the tar on his back untill several firefighters were able to remove him using ropes and ladders. He is expected to make a full recovery, although tragically, his clothes didn't make it.So this is the thanks Greenpeace gets?! A japanese fisherman sadly drowned shortly off the coast of Japan, rescuing a whale. Two other fisherman came to the aid of the 10 meter long spermwhale, who had wandered into a bay off the southwestern island of Shikoku, about 800 km (500 miles) southwest of Tokyo. He tried helping the beast when it paniced and turned on them, striking the small fishing boat he was in, knocking him over board. The two others were rescued, but they were'nt able to get to the 58 year old man in time to save him.My god, the microwave's on fire! Fetch me the Windex! Jonathan Zaletel has been charged with suspicion of manufacturing dangerous drugs, possession of chemicals and equipment to manufacture dangerous drugs, possession of drug paraphernalia, possession of marijuana and criminal damage. Why? He tried to cook methamphetamine in a toaster late Tuesday night. Everything was going well, untill the toaster caught fire, which burned most of his condo down. He tried to douse the flames with Window cleaner, and when it became apperant that this would not work, he rushed off to the local wal-mart to purchase a fire extinguisher. By the time he'd returned, firefighters and the condo's own sprinkler system had brought the flames under control. No word on if he pleads guilty to any of the charges listed.Thank you lions and lionesses, this has been another issue of TLKBN, and I'm your host, Rafiki the mandrill, live from his Baobab tree urging you to be safe during your spring break. Thank you, and good night. Today's Daily Quote:"Eagles don't flock." -Louis L'AmourToday's daily fact:During the scene where Kovu's training is being reviewed by Zira, the notch in her ear switches ears several times.
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Post by sindragon on Mar 14, 2007 16:42:25 GMT -5
that was funny exept for the person death
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Post by ♠Rafiki♠ on Mar 14, 2007 16:46:12 GMT -5
Yeah, that was a bummer. That guy with the meth toaster must have gone mad....
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Post by sindragon on Mar 14, 2007 16:49:21 GMT -5
why did he gone to wal mart anyway just to buy a fire exstuer
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Post by TeenSimba on Mar 14, 2007 16:57:40 GMT -5
Poor old guy that got stuck on the roof. =\
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Post by sindragon on Mar 14, 2007 17:09:49 GMT -5
that was funny
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Post by mistdragon on Mar 15, 2007 4:42:18 GMT -5
HOLY! I am still confused as why would someone go to Walmart to buy extinguisher when his house is burning infront of his face. ._.
I -LOL- at the guy who fell into the tar... its just funny to me LOL~
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knarrly
Pride Admin
TLKP Forum Founder"No Life" Club Member Lazy Lioness (Simba is mine!)
Self-proclaimed Queen of the Pride Lands
Posts: 7,708
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Post by knarrly on Mar 21, 2007 21:15:44 GMT -5
Well, I never got to comment on the other one. That Unicorn excuse is so excellent, I think I will be blaming everything on the unicorns from now on! (Although the guy could have been more relevant and blamed it on the pink elephants...)
Hmmm.....meth in the toaster.....
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Post by ♠Rafiki♠ on Mar 25, 2007 17:50:33 GMT -5
Good evening Lions and lionesses! This is the newest [belated] TLKBN report! I'm your host, Rafiki the mandril! Hardcore pedophile prudes are on the prowl again... Early morning joggers and park patrons have found that statues in the park have had their genitals and other sensitive parts on their stone bodies covered in black tape. It is unknown who or why they did this, and it it also unknown the famed statue called Sinnataggen was left uncovered. This statue is of an angry child. The black sensor bands have since been removed, and the culprit walks free.And I thought the stupid little baggies had no use... SkyWest airlines has issued a formal apology to passenger James Whipple, due to problems aboard his flight. The problem was that during pre-flight take off procedures, Mr. Whipple had the terrible urge to relieve his beer inflated bladder. Despite his persistent pleas to use the lavatory, it is against regulations to move while the "Fasten seatbelts" light is on, like Mr. Whipple attempted to do. The flight stewardess refused to allow him to use the bathroom and with no other alternatives other than going all over himself, he did the mcguyver: He relieved himself in the little barf bags available to him. The urge to pee was brought on by two "Really Big Beers" he had waiting for boarding to begin. The incident sparked controversy on how the airline treats it's passengers.Man, being 20 stories above ground while suspended on a wire makes me sleepy... A window washing worker in Nashville, Tennisse was found asleep, 20 stories above ground suspened on a saftey wire. Firefighters were able to wake him up by tugging on the wires, and waving a sign to him from behind the windows. He was checked by paramedics upon reaching the ground, and was found to be completely normal, aside from a rapid heartbeat. "I figured he had just either passed out or maybe he had fallen asleep," said onlooker Leroy Anderson, who said he had been watching the man for 30 minutes before fire engines arrived. "It's sunny and warm up there, and there's no wind."Man, this is why ya save this kinda stuff... OOPS!!! A computer techie. accidentally deleted account information worth $38,000,000,000 [billion] in records. He was reformatting the disk, when he deleted the sensitive info, which contained the oil sale records of Alasaka. Panic wasn't really a factor, untill their next line of defence, back-up tapes, were unreadable. The only other alternative is to review the original paperwork which is stored in over 300 cardboard boxes.Man, this d00d died playing his fav. sport... A human skull was spotted Monday near the 14th tee of the Prairie Course, one of two 18-hole courses at the Countryside Golf Club in Mundelein, according to Lake County Forest Preserve Police Chief John Galford. "It was laying there, right in the middle of the fairway," Galford said. The skull had some odd dental work, including a partial set of dentures, two of the teeth are gold, some of the teeth have a star pattern on them, and one of the front teeth has a golden "R" on it. It is unknown what gender the person is, but police are combing missing persons reports for answers.Great scott, Titanic Deja Vu?! $385,000 worth of state of the art equipment and fire-boat construction was found with the it's bow sticking out of the water. The stern was sitting at the bottom of the river, next to where it was moored in the marina. It was not even finished, waiting for other electrical equipment to be installed. The boat was new, having never seen action. It is unknown why it sank, although that is under investigation.That poor squid... We all remember the world's largest squid I reported on a while back, right? Well, when he/she was caught, he/she was frozen solid, to preserve him/her. Now comes the task of defreezing it, so they might study it. The old way, leaving it out to melt by itself, would take several days, and the outside would rot, leaving the inside frozen solid. So, the gigantic beast might be headed to the microwave oven!! At the time of capture, the squid, if cut up, would make calamari rings the size of tractor tires. It is priceless to scientists, and it worth millions if it is insured.I smell a cow uprising.... An 87 year old man in Vernal Utah was hospitolized after two cows knocked him down and head-butted him repeatedly. He was trying to separate them from the herd when they rushed him. His daughter saw the attack and called 911, but by the time authorities got to the home, she had already chased the two away. Despite internal injuries, and broken bones, he is in stable condition. Behold! Secret messages have reached a new level!! Scientists have made researched and made billions of microscopic letters, made of a polymer material. The findings will be pulished in a magazine, featuring several pictures. The letters themselves are suspended in a liquid solution, and the real to-do about it is that the letters have astounding fidelity. Other shapes they have made are triangles, crosses, and doughnuts. They have even made several 3-D geometric shapes.Thank you lions and lionesses, this has been TLKBN, and I’m your host, Rafiki the mandrill, coming to you live from his tree. Today’s Quote: "And there is distrust in Washington. I am surprised, frankly, at the amount of distrust that exists in this town. And I'm sorry it's the case, and I'll work hard to try to elevate it." --George W. Bush, interview on National Public Radio, Jan. 29, 2007Today’s Fact:There is no one word to describe the back of your knee. SPECIAL THANKS: THANK YOU KNARRLY FOR YOUR QUOTE AND BEING A BAD*** ADMIN!!!!
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knarrly
Pride Admin
TLKP Forum Founder"No Life" Club Member Lazy Lioness (Simba is mine!)
Self-proclaimed Queen of the Pride Lands
Posts: 7,708
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Post by knarrly on Mar 25, 2007 19:16:27 GMT -5
Woo hoo! I'm in the news! *lol*
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Post by sindragon on Mar 31, 2007 4:22:17 GMT -5
that was cool news
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Post by mistdragon on Apr 10, 2007 20:17:42 GMT -5
Though its long ago, I just realized this; Today’s Fact: There is no one word to describe the back of your knee. LOL!!!
I laughed so hard my pizza's curry splattered on the keyboard!
Anymore news Rafiki? BTW, let's name the back of the Knee, Eenk. Its better this way. LOL~
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Post by ♠Rafiki♠ on Apr 21, 2007 1:11:58 GMT -5
Greetings Lions and Lionesses!! Welcome to another broadcast of you guessed it, TLKBN!!!! Where we the staff strive to do our best to bring you only the most nonsense and retarded news updates possible, for your viewing pleasure! For our first story, we take a look at perhaps one of the most unconventional means of resisting arrest any of us here at TLKBN have ever seen! [This is precisely why I left mom alone when she was preggars with my sis...] Felicha Marin was caught shoplifting, so she decided to resist arrest, using a weapon. Said weapon was not a gun, or a knife, or even her own two hands. No, she was arrested for squirting breast milk from her right breast all over the arresting officer. She is charged with the above, and has been scheduled to appear before a London court.Our next story covers a man who likes to hear himself talk. A lot. A WHOLE lot. Jayasimha Ravirala has officially talked his way into the Guinness book of world records for delivering a whopping, nonstop 111 hour long speech, that spanned 6 days and 5 nights! Mr. Ravirala retired from the Indian Air force, wanting to follow his dream of giving motivational speeches to students and Buisness persons. "The idea of delivering a speech was always there in my mind ... Because I am in this field and that is the reason I thought if I was a good speaker and planned to take up this field, I must do something which would inspire everybody," Said Jayasimha. The lecture was on Personality Development Concepts, and covered such topics like leadership, parenting, employment and interviews. An India newspaper said that the entire thing was "quite stimulating and useful". During the course of this continous speech, Ravirala was allowed only 1 30 second long pause, which was monitored by judges. He said that controlling his sleeping pattern allowed him to achieve such a feat.Who ever left this load musta gotten into Aunt Helen’s special Habanero sauce…. Toto Ltd. Is sittin’ on one major hot seat after several of its toilets malfunctioned to near hazardous levels. Toto Ltd. made toilets that were integrated with bidgets or “Washlets” that provided creature comforts such as seat warmers, air purifiers and blowdriers. Unfortunatley, several parts inside the toilets rubbed up against each other repeatedly, which caused large amounts of friction, thereby generating heat. This heat was so intense that 21 of the toilets overheated enough to produce thick smoke, and 3 even caught fire. The company is readliy making exchanges and writing checks to pay for the damages, which luckily were only burns to the tank of the toilet itself. So far, no one has been hurt.I am NOT joking, I want one of these!! Behold, the slash proof hoodie!! They are made with the same mateiral used in making soldier armor, and the black cotton tops are also lined with kevlar, which is what makes it so resilient. Estimated cost: £65. The idea behind it is that it protects teenagers from knife related crime, and even a knife proof school uniform is floating in limbo. [Which BTW, The church has officially scrapped the idea of….] “There is a real feeling among kids that the streets are not safe," Said Barry Samms, of the firm Bladerunner. "If we can make it trendy to protect yourself then we're doing something to help."This poor n00b made the ultimate mistake…. A rookie plumber managed to burn down an entire historical mansion in Kingswear, Devon [Southwest England], all on his first day on the job. Reports indicate the n00b plumber was working on a soldering project when some polystyrene insulation caught fire from his blowtorch. The mansion is estimated to be worth a whopping £5 million E.U.R. [$12 million U.S.D.], and was undergoing a complete renovation, estimated at £2 million. Within minutes, the entire mansion had burned to the ground, despite the valiant efforts of some 60 firefighters. John Howes of the fire and rescue service said that the plumber was “Very upset” [oh, I’d imagine… ]. "It appears at this stage that this was an unfortunate plumber who was soldering in the roof space of a large building, which was undergoing total renovation". He said. "We think a blowtorch may have set light to expanded polystyrene foam in the roof space" A neighbor commented "I heard it was started by a teenager on his first day. You have to feel sorry for the poor lad. He must feel terrible,". No one was hurt, and understandably the owner of the mansion was very angry. Despite this though, his spokesman believes there was no malice involved.THE UNLAWFUL MUST PH34R T3H BALLOON!!! In what has been called a feeble attempt at trying to lower crime levels in Caracas, Venezuela, workers can be seen in the above picture trying to launch a small remote controlled zeppelin. The blimp would feature a camera that police would be able to use to help react to the high amount of crime in the area. Critics believe the plan is destined for failure, due to the Zeppelin’s inability to take to the air during bad weather, and during the night, when the worst of Venezuela’s crime is out in full force. If it should fail, then the blimp, estimated to be worth $465,000 would have been for naught. It’s like some sick perversion of that one movie, “The birds”!!
In what can only be described as a twisted version of Alfred Hitchunit’s “The Birds”, an invasion of fat, rowdy pigeons have the citizens of Liverpool England reeling. They weren’t much of a problem, until their numbers began to swell at an exponential rate, along with their size. This is believed to be caused by people feeding them leftovers, and giving them scraps. This is both unhealthy and dangerous for the pigeons, but they’ve thrived on it, and instead of their normal diet of seeds and bugs, they’ve been getting fat off human scraps. Along with the sheer weight of their numbers alone, they have been known to dive-bomb and peck passing people, as well as of course their overwhelming amounts of bird poop. To combat this infestation, robotic falcons, that move, scream and look like a typical peregrine falcon [the pigeon’s natural enemy] have been placed all around Liverpool city. Despite the realism of these “Robops” as they’ve been called, a group called “PiCAS UK” says they are an almost laughable method of treatment for the problem. "We believe that this is a complete waste of time...and a waste of money," Said PiCAS UK Director Emma Haskell. "Pigeons are a highly intelligent bird and they soon realize that these mechanical things are not a threat." It remains unseen if these falcon-bots will chase away the pigeons as desired, but all anyone can do now is hope for the best.
Thank you Lions and Lionesses, this has been another Broadcast of The Lion King Boards News!! I'm your host, ace reporter Rafiki the mandrill, urging you not to use your bodily fluids to assault an officer of the law. Or anyone. Thank you, and goodnight!
Today's Quote: "A soldier will fight long and hard for a bit of colored ribbon." -Napoleon Bonaparte`
Today's Fact: It is Anatomically impossible to touch your right elbow with your right hand, or your left elbow with your left hand.
SPECIAL THANKS:THANKS MUCH TEENSIMBA FOR SUBMITTING TODAY'S DAILY FACT!!!
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knarrly
Pride Admin
TLKP Forum Founder"No Life" Club Member Lazy Lioness (Simba is mine!)
Self-proclaimed Queen of the Pride Lands
Posts: 7,708
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Post by knarrly on Apr 23, 2007 14:35:18 GMT -5
*laughing* Eww....I was just thinking of possible ways to prove the fact wrong. But, that might involve hiring that plumber. *lol*
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Post by sindragon on Apr 23, 2007 14:46:01 GMT -5
fire loo funny
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Post by mistdragon on Apr 25, 2007 11:34:15 GMT -5
Hello guys!
This is one of the longest news I seen Rafiki. Lol~ The most interesting one is the guy who spoke for 111 hours. How the heck do you ever do that?! Lol~
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Post by sindragon on Apr 25, 2007 11:39:57 GMT -5
with a lot of water
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