knarrly
Pride Admin
TLKP Forum Founder"No Life" Club Member Lazy Lioness (Simba is mine!)
Self-proclaimed Queen of the Pride Lands
Posts: 7,708
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Post by knarrly on Jan 21, 2007 15:08:55 GMT -5
My husband wishes he could catch one that big! *lol*
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Post by ♠Rafiki♠ on Jan 26, 2007 20:29:45 GMT -5
COMING SOON: TLKBN's INDUSTRIAL SIZED EDITION! Featuring 7, count 'em eight, stories in length! + pictures! PHEAR IT!
[Surgeon staff sargeant's warning: Stories are extremely retarded and may induce lauging, rolling eyes, teary eyes, eye widening, teeth smacking, and the spontaneous explosion of all small mammals within a 30 meter radius. May contain nuts.]
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Post by ♠Rafiki♠ on Jan 26, 2007 23:25:38 GMT -5
Greetings! Good evening lions and lionesses, this is TLKBN's broadcast for tonight. I'm your host, Rafiki the mandrill, welcoming you to our special double lenght feature. Do you like legos? I do too. I like to build cool stuff, and I'm sure people find wierd things to make: Apperantly, these guns are so realistic, they were used to rob a liquor store. They are undoubtably realistic, [the one on the right] and the one on the left even fires very strong projectiles- Rubber bands. While they aren't meant to be used as a weapon, some people will be stupid enough to shoot each other with the ruber band model;this is strongly advised AGAINST by the people who make them, using geniune legos. Price:$55 for the instructions and parts.Do you need a massage? Try look up Mrs. Ada Barak. Clients at a Mr. Ada Barak's spa in northern Israel has invented a new, exotic way of treating his patients: Having 6, very lively, nonpoisonous SNAKES slither and hiss their way across a customer's sore muscles/joints. For 300 shekels, ($70) clients can have California and Florida Kings, corn, and milk snakes slither on them. "I'm actually afriad of snakes, but their therapuetic effects are really good." Says Liz Cohen, after Barak let the snakes loose on her body. Barak was inspired by the fact that once people got over any misgivings, they found phsical contact with the creatures soothing.Some people like big snakes. Some people like ferocious gaurd dogs. Obviously, the two don't mix; Kuala lumper, malaysia. Orchard owner ALi Yusof's guard dogs have met their match: a Whopping 23 ft. long [7.1 metres] python! The snake ate 11 poor dogs before it was captured by villagers. The massive snake was as big around as a tree trunk, and was almost long enough to span the width of a tennis court. Villagers did not harm the snake, they just tied it to a tree and handed it over to wildlife officials. "I was shocked to see such a large snake," Said Yusof. Ladies:How much do you love your husband? Would you face an evil death kitty of doom to save him? [photo of survivor's face has been deemed to graphic to show. If knarrly allows it, PM me for details.] San Fransisco, an elderly woman was credited with saving her husband's life. Jim and Nell Hamm were hiking Prarie Creek Redwoods National Park when they were set upon by a mountain lion, who attacked and got Jim by the face. "He didn't scream. It was a different, horrible plea for help, and by then, the cat had wrestled Jim to the ground," Nell said as she awaited the recovery of her husband, who suffered a torn scalp, puncture wounds and other injuries. After the attack, the warden had the park closed indefinetly, and a search party was organised. Their target was the mountian lions, and two were found, shot and killed. Their bodies were sent to forensics to see if either were the ones that attacked. Though both are experienced hikers, neither had seen a mountain lion before the attack. Nell used a 4 inch wide log to beat it off.I like BBQ. Who doesn't? The only problem is, smoking food and smoking food are easy to mix up.... Bert's BBQ caught fire early Thursday, gutting the entire resturant. A short in a circut breaker was found to be the cause of the fire. Several people had called in, warning of the smoke and smells, yet dispatch chose not to act the several times. Claiming that BBQ resturants normally smoked things over night, and other such normal explainations, no fire fighting team was sent to check it out. It wasn't untill a man called in and said that the place "Smelled like burning wood, a lot of it." That a fire team was sent to investigate. By that time, the resturant was visibly engulfed in flames, which prompted a 2 alarm response. Gary Johnson's family, who've owned the establishment for 37 years is shocked by the lack of response, and aren't sure of what they will do next. The cost in damages is estimated to be about $300,000. The fire cheif has said that it was an error of judgement, and there was no word on if anyone was injured in the fire, or if the dispatch agent will face disiplinary action.Do you ever have trouble remembering things? If you are this man, there is nothing that can escape your memory: Mark Umile has officially broken the world record for remebering the most digits in the number sequence "Pi" which we all know is 3.14. He was able to remember 12,887 digits, by figureing the problem by hand, writing down the results 1,000 at a time and memorzing them. His wife is very proud, who could not remeber a phone number. The record for figuring out Pi was set in china, at 67,890 digits. His accomplishment eclipsed the American record of 10,980 digits.We love hide and seek, the time honored classic played by those who are young, old, and extremely bored. But, can it be fatal? 2 year old Anthony Pena was found dead in a plastic container Thursday. The last time he was seen alive by his 24 year old mother was 9 p.m. Wednesday evening. She had tucked him and two older siblings into their beds and says he and his older brothers got out of bed to play hide and seek. Apparently, the older broth helped him into a plastic container, and forgot him there, going to sleep. When they woke the next morning, you Anthony was found dead. The children have been removed, untill his death can be determined in autopsy."Rest, sweet child, for you are in a better place now. Here lies a little soul so pure, God could not bare being away from him any longer." Parents:Do you trust your district to keep safe your kids? Coloumbs, Ohio. Schools have cancelled their classes owing to the fact that a driver was caught and arrested for carrying cocaine. Why is this bad? The school districts have realized they have not conducted backround checks for any of their school bus drivers sice 2004. They will have resumed class today. The decision affected 56,000 students.And last but not least: Mulch. Yes, mulch. Here in Texas a mulch dump had a pile intentionally set on fire. The resulting fire quickly spread, and has been expected to burn into March/April, around the time of early December of last year. Firefighters cannot attack the fire, as it burns underneath the surface of the piles in some places. Effort has been made, but every attempt at controlling it has ended in miserable failure. The mayor has declared a state of emergency in the county, untill the fire is put out. A new plan has arose: Push heaps of burning mulch into clay lined pits, for easier firefighting techniqes to be put into effect. Traditional water dousing techniques were tried, they were indefinitely stopped, due to numerous complaints of loacals saying their water smelled and tasted of smoke. Water was thought to leak into private wells, which posed a health hazard. No word yet on if the new plan will work.Thank you, lions and lionesses, this has been TLKBN's extended broadcast. I'm Rafiki the mandrill, urging you to stay safe, sane and busy. Once again, this is Rafiki the mandrill. Good night.
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knarrly
Pride Admin
TLKP Forum Founder"No Life" Club Member Lazy Lioness (Simba is mine!)
Self-proclaimed Queen of the Pride Lands
Posts: 7,708
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Post by knarrly on Jan 27, 2007 17:14:46 GMT -5
Anyone want some BBQ? *grins*
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Post by ♠Rafiki♠ on Feb 6, 2007 10:46:10 GMT -5
Good morning lions and lionesses. I'm Rafiki the mandrill bringing you TLKBN, your dose of retarded news. [100% au` natural] Would you like some shrimp to put on that wound? We all know about chitin right? It makes up the little hard shells on raw shrimp! Well, the army has spent $10 million buying 400,000 chitosan bandages from the medical company Hemcom. Before they made the purchase, the military had tested various fibrin, collagen sponges and nanoporus ceramic powder. The main ingredient for these miracle bandages is chitosan, which is extracted [taken out of] from the exoskeletons of Icelandic shrimp. Chitosan is a mucoadhesive, which means it gets real stick when it mixes with blood. Tests so far have confermed a 97% success rate. The bandages are meant to stop an extenal hemorrhage, which is very heavy bleeding. It's taken from the chitin found in shrimp and insect exoskeletons. Best of all, it's a carbohydrate, not a protien, so it will not cause violent reactions in people allergic to shellfish. Although they are edible, they taste nothing like seafood. Sam medical products has released a powdered version of chitosan called Celox for use with medical and law enforcement purposes. Hemcom will be selling a long bandage called Chitoflex, which can be stuffed into a bleeding wound. Hemcom will also be releasing a commercial version of the bandage this summer.AIDS has been thought to be incureable. Not so says Iran! Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinjad is set top unveil an herbal cure for AIDS. He is set to do this Feb. 11th, and the drug is called "IMOD". He is supposed to do this during the "Ten day dawn", the anniversary of the revolution. *No word yet on if this report is confirmed yet*Faking a death? If you don't want to get caught then... Alison Matera faked her own death, but her cover was blown when she was caught sitting through her own memorial service. She told her friends at a church she had "gotten" cancer and was "giving" them updates on her condition. She finally told her friends that she was giving up the fight, and retired to a hospice to die. The nurse kept getting calls from various family members on details for the body, but she reported that all of them sounded exactly like Matera. The nurse called the church chior director to tell her she had died. The director called the funeral home Matera was supposed to be in, but they said they never heard of Matera. At the cerimony, a woman showed up looking exactly like Matera, claiming to be her sister. Choir members called the police for assistance, who showed up at her apartment where she confessed.Thank you ladies an gentlemen, this was TLKBN, and I'm your host, Rafiki the mandrill, saying he's got a a belly ache and is home sick.
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knarrly
Pride Admin
TLKP Forum Founder"No Life" Club Member Lazy Lioness (Simba is mine!)
Self-proclaimed Queen of the Pride Lands
Posts: 7,708
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Post by knarrly on Feb 6, 2007 16:03:18 GMT -5
That whole faked death is really messed up! *lol*
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Post by ♠Rafiki♠ on Feb 7, 2007 0:04:08 GMT -5
I still can't help thinking that Iran guy looks alot like prisident Bush....
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Post by TeenSimba on Feb 7, 2007 0:15:41 GMT -5
I was just about to mention that! Lol, that's freaky.
The fake death thing is weird. Especially the shrimp one too
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Post by King Kovu on Feb 7, 2007 4:52:39 GMT -5
I'll say LOL
But the fake death thing gives me an idea ROFL
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Post by ♠Rafiki♠ on Feb 15, 2007 7:51:38 GMT -5
In an effort to increase our educational mind expanding value, [we need to keep our viewers] TLKBN will now be featuring a Daily quote, and a fact of the day. This decision was made earlier today by the staff, in hopes it will give people something to think about, and prevent them from doing stupid things. Thankiez!
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Post by ♠Rafiki♠ on Feb 16, 2007 19:34:45 GMT -5
UPDATE: TLKBN will be featuring an all new triple length broadcast airing soon. The TLKBs news staff ask that you be patient in waiting, as the entire reporting process is very arduous and time consuming.
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Post by ♠Rafiki♠ on Feb 16, 2007 21:51:42 GMT -5
Good evening lions and lionesses. I'm Rafiki the mandrill and we'd like to thank you for joining us here tonight for our special two part feature. This is part I of the double feature. This is TLKBN, your healthy dose of retarded news, from the comfort of your computer screen. Our first story: Behold, for you gaze upon one of the most unusual finds you can make as a miner! Chiampas, Mexico is where a most unusual discovery was made: A fossilized frog, estimated to be over 25 million years old. It was encased in amber, which is fossilized tree sap. If this is an authentic find, it will be the first in the region of it's type. The chuck contained the frog [which was about 0.4 inches long] was brought by the miner to a private collector who has lent it to scientists for study. Only a few others have been found, and those were in the Dominican Republic. They are all from the genus Craugastor, and the decendants of these frogs still roam the region. Scientists believe the fossil is as old as it is, by studying the rock around where it was found. One scientist, Gerardo Carbot, wanted to bore a small hole into the fossil, in hopes of finding preserved DNA in it. According to George Gramaldi and several other scientists, DNA breaks down over time. BUT, another scientist, George O. Poinar says that DNA extraction is theoretically possible. "If it's well-preserved ... and none of the frog has been exposed to the outside, where air could enter in and oxidize the DNA, it could be possible to get DNA." Carbot however is doubful that he will be allowed to do so anyway, as it is such a rare, and unusual peice.Do you hate your name? Well, be glad you got it instead of... Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116 (pronounced /al bin/) is the name a swedish couple tried to give their son. When he was first born, he was not named, and for 5 years he went with out a name. So, in 1996 the couple was fined 5,000 kronor, [$682 USD] and in response submitted the unusual name. The court did not recognize the name, and upheld the fine. THe couple tried to pronounce the spelling of the name so it stars with "A".Who comes up with this crap?! In what can be called one of the larger pro-environment screw-ups of the century, 40 years ago the Florida government developed a scheme to return to the environment. This is commendable, but they are idiots. The plan of action was to develope an artificial coral reef-- by dumping over 2 million car tires 1 mile off shore from fort Lauderdale. They were left there in 1972 and the plan was that coral reefs would grow on it. BUT, they haven't and almost no marine wild life has grown on them. Some of the tires have been wired together with nylon string and steel wire, but the mess which spans 31 football fields. They are washed ashore constantly, and thousands have tangled themselves around coral reefs nearby endangering their growth.FOR THE LOVE OF THE BRIGHT AND HOLY, *DO* *NOT* *TRY* *THIS* *AT* *HOME*!! Austrailian bricklayer Phillip Kerkhof was fishing for squid on a jetty when he spotted the 4 ft. long bronze whaler shark lurking in the shadows. He later admitted that he was drunk on Vodka. "I just snuck up behind him, and eventually I went for the big grab and I fluked it and got him," Kerkhof said. "He was just thrashing around in the water ... starting to turn around and try to bite me and I thought 'well, it's amazing what vodka does'," The shark did bite a hole in Kerkhof's jeans, but he himself only suffered a minor scratch. Phillip has said he's already had 2 meals from his kill, and he plans to use the rest in a barbeque with his friends in town, 870 miles west of Sydney. "It's beutiful mate-- Resturant quality."Medical science today! Sheesh... What CAN'T they do? The florida based company, Lexington international LLC. has developed a laser comb, the "Hairmax Comb" which underwent a rigorous 6 month clinical trial and is the only of it's kind to earn the endorsement FDA for the only drug-free treatment for curing baldness at home. The comb encreases the number of thick hair folicals in the scalp by using low level lasers. Like all good things, it does not come cheap, at a hefty price tag of $545. My goodness, class room today... Austrian teacher Michael Brechter, 57, got the can after giving his class of 9 year olds a lesson on swearing. He told them to write homework about words like the "A**" and "S***" and "Moron" and "Tart". In his defence, he said "I was not teaching them anything they did not already know. "It was an attempt to make school lively and fun. My ultimate aim was to show what words should not be used."Be glad you do not live in cartel-warring infested cities.... Sao Paulo Brazil: Some random con artist called the family of a young man, and told them that he had their son hostage. It is unfortunate, but gang related kidknappings are very common around that area. The targets were an elderly retired couple, and the mother naturally sent her husband to get the nessisary hostage funds from their bank, which was 60,000 reiasn [$28,708 USD]. Tragically, the husband died of a heart attack, and the son was called on his cell-phone a while afterwards-- Perfectly safe from harm.Ever wanted to have a street named after you? For 100,000 forints per metre of it's 8 streets, [260 E.U.R.] the impoverished northeastern budapest town of Ivan will name after you, for 300 years. The downer: Law decrees the land must be named after one of the deceased. "If, for example Barbra Streisand, whom I like a lot, has no street named after her, she may decide to have one in our village," said Gabor Ivady, mayor of Ivad where most of the 400-strong population live.
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Ahadi
Adolescent Lion
Hey Uncle Scar, Whats a Stampede?
Posts: 167
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Post by Ahadi on Feb 17, 2007 10:53:13 GMT -5
ROFL, those where pretty good LOL!! I'm so glad my name isn't Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116
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Post by TeenSimba on Feb 17, 2007 14:10:45 GMT -5
Lol, that name is messed up. And now a laser comb? What's next? XD
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Post by mistdragon on Feb 21, 2007 3:24:36 GMT -5
Read every post. Lol. I am stunned about the Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116 (pronounced /al bin/)
._.
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knarrly
Pride Admin
TLKP Forum Founder"No Life" Club Member Lazy Lioness (Simba is mine!)
Self-proclaimed Queen of the Pride Lands
Posts: 7,708
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Post by knarrly on Feb 22, 2007 16:18:19 GMT -5
*laughing* If someone in here names their cub that.....we'll blame it on Rafiki. *lol*
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Post by ♠Rafiki♠ on Feb 23, 2007 18:40:33 GMT -5
Ladies and Gentlemen we bring you a special report: RAFIKI [almost] LIVES!!!!! Chimpanzes have been seen using small spears to HUNT AND EAT OTHER ANIMALS!!! OMG!! For more information on this rare discovery, please check out this link: www.newscientist.com/article/dn11234-spearwielding-chimps-snack-on-skewered-bushbabies.htmlWARNING:If you are not a blood/gore person like me, DO NOT watch the videos. Resist the temptation!! If you can't, it is not my fault. THANK YOU, THAT WILL BE ALL. Quote: "The object of war is not to die for your country. It's to make the other bastard die for his!" -General George S. Patton. Fact: You can't lick your elbow tip. ['Nother fact:Most of the people who read that actually tried to]
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Ahadi
Adolescent Lion
Hey Uncle Scar, Whats a Stampede?
Posts: 167
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Post by Ahadi on Feb 23, 2007 19:51:44 GMT -5
I watched the videos Lol...I couldn't resist ;D
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Post by TeenSimba on Feb 24, 2007 15:19:15 GMT -5
Lol, those 3 videos were interesting XD
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Post by ♠Rafiki♠ on Feb 24, 2007 17:11:00 GMT -5
Good Afternoon Lions and Lionesses. This is Rafiki the mandrill, coming to you from his Baobab tree in the pride lands. This is TLKBN, your dosage of crazy news from the comfort of your computer screen! Nothing can prepair you for what you are about to see: What you are seeing is not pictures out of a Godzilla movie in the making, these are actual pictures of a sink hole, in Guatamala City, Guatamala [mexico]. This sink hole is 330 feet deep, and swallowed up 12 homes. 2 teenagers were killed due to the sink hole, and officials blamed it on a busted sewer main. The appearance forced the evacution of 1,000 nearby people. This was done due to the threat of the hole widening, or others opening upi nearby. It gave off foul odors from it's depths, loud noises and tremors were heard and felt, and the sound of rushing water could be heard.The red cross has added a new look to itself: THis new red cross emblem was accepted to the ranks of the Red cross's Humanitarian group. This new emblem can be used by any country that does not want to use the existing red cross or the red crecent moon [used by musilms]. The new flag will see action in [you guessed it!] the middle east.The world's smallest baby has been born!! This is Amillia Taylor, the world's smallest baby ever to have been born. At just 22 weeks into the gestation period, she was born, and survived. She was placed into an incubator where she grew into a more normal sized infant. At a mere 10 ounces [280 grams] and only 9.5 inches long, she was just about the size of your hand.Thatsa spicy meat-a ball!!! What you gaze upon in the picture above is now officially the planet's HOTTEST pepper ever known. The Guiness Book of World Records has confirmed that the Bhut Jolokia burns at the lofty measurment of a whopping 1,001,304 scoville units. The previous record holder was the red Savina pepper, at a peak of around 500,000 scoville units. The Dorset Naga, was the unofficial record holder, at or around 800,000-980,000 scoville units. To grasp how unbelieve ably HOT this wonder pepper is, the mexican green chile sits 1,500 scoville units, and the Jalapeno rests at 10,000.Beware your TVs people.... What you see here is the burnt remains of a TV that exploded, killing one West Norweigian woman. She died at the hospitol from her wounds, while firefighters worked to put out flames sparked by the blast. Dust was believed to be the cause of this incident, as dust can explode when it gets hot enough. The TV itself is currently thought to be a 1990's model.Thank you lions and lionesses, that was TLKBN for this evening, and the staff here wish you be safe, sane... and to wear a bomb proof suit when you watch TV. Thank you, and goodnight.
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