Post by ♠Rafiki♠ on Aug 24, 2007 10:37:36 GMT -5
Welcome Lions and Lionesses to another rockin’ broadcast of TLKBN, your #1 source for premium grade retarded news updates. Normally now I would introduce myself, but for the first time ever, I am proud to announce my partners is madness, KIARASMATE AND TEENSIMBA! You heard right folks; 2 lions and a mandrill, instead of just the crazy mandrill, now run TLKBN and all of its Looney goodness. Without further ado, we begin. J
Teensimba says: What are these parents thinking?!
Father-to-be Oli Young is in some hot water. Young boasted that if he got a full 100,000 signatures from people, he agreed to name his soon-to-be child, SPIDER PIG. This boast was probably made just as a gag, but he might soon have to fulfill his end of that boast. Already young has 85,000 signatures and that rapidly increasing number shows no sign of leveling out anytime soon. We all know Spider Pig from the box-office hit, “The Simpsons movie”, which also goes by the name “Harry Plopper”. Apparently, Young’s wife will relent to letting him choose this name if he gets the 100,000. Naturally, this has attracted good and bad responses from various people, who view this stunt as “Irresponsible Parenting” at it’s finest. “That kid will turn into a superhero if he survives the bullying!” Says Claire Williams from London. Another anonymous reader commented “Please don’t ruin your kid’s life.
Teensimba says: Since when is sausage consider a weapon?
London, England: A 12-year-old boy was officially charged with assault Wednesday for throwing sausage at a senior citizen. The anonymous juvenile was arrested after throwing a stone at a 74-year-old pensioner in Manchester. That stone turned out to be a unittail sausage, when they found it. "Charging was the only option because the boy had previously been issued with three reprimands on separate occasions," A Manchester Police spokeswoman said. The mother of the delinquent said that the charges leveled against her son are “An absolute joke” , though police had to arrest him anyway. A joint Police/Prosecutor case has been argued in a youth court, urging them to reconsider legal action. "If he has done what was suggested it is very bad behavior," District Judge Tim Devas said. "But is it in the public interest to prosecute a 12-year-old boy who threw a sausage?" The mother is worried that the boy may end up spending time in prison.
Teensimba says: Are they crazy!? 6,000 lbs?!
Pictured above is a heavily guarded home made submarine, which was captured 103 miles near Cabo Blanco National Park on the Nicoya peninsula, Costa Rica. Two Columbians, a Guatemalan man, and a Sri Lankan man all crewed the 50 foot wood and fiberglass vessel. The cargo of the ship was what made such a big fuss: 3 tons [6,000 lbs] of cocaine. At a paltry 7 mph cruising speed, authorities had no trouble catching and seizing the sub which was only 6 feet underwater, after they were tipped off by several breathing pipes skimming the surface of the water. American DEA agents, FBI agents, and Columbian officials aided the Costa Rican authorities in the capture. Since the sub was caught in international waters, the crew will be transported to the U.S for trial.
Teensimba says: "Is this dog amazing or what?"
Merseyside, England: Michelle Daley lifted the hood of her van to find her Jack-Russell Terrier, Charlie, perfectly fine and perched atop the van battery. The odd thing about this is that Charlie had been missing for 2 weeks before he was found under the hood of that vehicle. Charlie had first been lost during a downpour, and Ms. Daley had thought he’d run off to find cover under some bushes. After a search though, Charlie had mysteriously disappeared, nowhere to be found. Even after putting up lost posters in the city, still Charlie was nowhere to be found. So, after purchasing another dog [her name is Tilly] to get over the loss, they moved on. It wasn’t until the 2 weeks after his disappearance, did her partner Paul Bradley look under the hood to check the oil. There was Charlie, amazingly. “I can't believe he's alive. I've been all over Merseyside,” Daley said. “I've been doing 20 or 30 miles a day.”
Teensimba says: (Shakes his head.) "How couldn't this guy not notice sooner!?"
Xiao Zhu, 22, had his right eye injured by a beer bottle during a fight six years ago in Jinjiang city. “I had an operation right after the injury to fix the tear duct and the operation was successful,” Xiao said. “The wound sealed perfectly but the only problem was I always had tears running down which I thought was just a consequence of the operation.” Xiao said. One month ago, Xiao’s eye began to get more painful, so he went to various hospitals to pinpoint the source of the discomfort. They all found nothing wrong, until surgeons Dongnan Eye Hospital in Fuzhou city decided to operate, and recovered a large shard of glass embedded 6 cm deep in his eye socket. Xiao plans to keep the 6 cm long shard as a souvenir.
Today’s Daily Quote [brought to you by Kiarasmate!]:
"Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film."
-Steven Wright
Today’s wack fact [brought to you by KM!]:
The word "underground" is the only word in the English Language that starts and ends with the letters "und".
Vital information for your everyday life [brought to you by Teensimba!]:
"A laser pointer isn't something to play around with if you shine it in your eye!"
Thank you Lions and Lionesses for sticking with us through 19 TLKBN broadcasts, as well as our first tri-produced one. We hope you enjoyed it, and we’ll look forward to seeing you in future episodes!
Teensimba says: What are these parents thinking?!
Father-to-be Oli Young is in some hot water. Young boasted that if he got a full 100,000 signatures from people, he agreed to name his soon-to-be child, SPIDER PIG. This boast was probably made just as a gag, but he might soon have to fulfill his end of that boast. Already young has 85,000 signatures and that rapidly increasing number shows no sign of leveling out anytime soon. We all know Spider Pig from the box-office hit, “The Simpsons movie”, which also goes by the name “Harry Plopper”. Apparently, Young’s wife will relent to letting him choose this name if he gets the 100,000. Naturally, this has attracted good and bad responses from various people, who view this stunt as “Irresponsible Parenting” at it’s finest. “That kid will turn into a superhero if he survives the bullying!” Says Claire Williams from London. Another anonymous reader commented “Please don’t ruin your kid’s life.
Teensimba says: Since when is sausage consider a weapon?
London, England: A 12-year-old boy was officially charged with assault Wednesday for throwing sausage at a senior citizen. The anonymous juvenile was arrested after throwing a stone at a 74-year-old pensioner in Manchester. That stone turned out to be a unittail sausage, when they found it. "Charging was the only option because the boy had previously been issued with three reprimands on separate occasions," A Manchester Police spokeswoman said. The mother of the delinquent said that the charges leveled against her son are “An absolute joke” , though police had to arrest him anyway. A joint Police/Prosecutor case has been argued in a youth court, urging them to reconsider legal action. "If he has done what was suggested it is very bad behavior," District Judge Tim Devas said. "But is it in the public interest to prosecute a 12-year-old boy who threw a sausage?" The mother is worried that the boy may end up spending time in prison.
Teensimba says: Are they crazy!? 6,000 lbs?!
Pictured above is a heavily guarded home made submarine, which was captured 103 miles near Cabo Blanco National Park on the Nicoya peninsula, Costa Rica. Two Columbians, a Guatemalan man, and a Sri Lankan man all crewed the 50 foot wood and fiberglass vessel. The cargo of the ship was what made such a big fuss: 3 tons [6,000 lbs] of cocaine. At a paltry 7 mph cruising speed, authorities had no trouble catching and seizing the sub which was only 6 feet underwater, after they were tipped off by several breathing pipes skimming the surface of the water. American DEA agents, FBI agents, and Columbian officials aided the Costa Rican authorities in the capture. Since the sub was caught in international waters, the crew will be transported to the U.S for trial.
Teensimba says: "Is this dog amazing or what?"
Merseyside, England: Michelle Daley lifted the hood of her van to find her Jack-Russell Terrier, Charlie, perfectly fine and perched atop the van battery. The odd thing about this is that Charlie had been missing for 2 weeks before he was found under the hood of that vehicle. Charlie had first been lost during a downpour, and Ms. Daley had thought he’d run off to find cover under some bushes. After a search though, Charlie had mysteriously disappeared, nowhere to be found. Even after putting up lost posters in the city, still Charlie was nowhere to be found. So, after purchasing another dog [her name is Tilly] to get over the loss, they moved on. It wasn’t until the 2 weeks after his disappearance, did her partner Paul Bradley look under the hood to check the oil. There was Charlie, amazingly. “I can't believe he's alive. I've been all over Merseyside,” Daley said. “I've been doing 20 or 30 miles a day.”
Teensimba says: (Shakes his head.) "How couldn't this guy not notice sooner!?"
Xiao Zhu, 22, had his right eye injured by a beer bottle during a fight six years ago in Jinjiang city. “I had an operation right after the injury to fix the tear duct and the operation was successful,” Xiao said. “The wound sealed perfectly but the only problem was I always had tears running down which I thought was just a consequence of the operation.” Xiao said. One month ago, Xiao’s eye began to get more painful, so he went to various hospitals to pinpoint the source of the discomfort. They all found nothing wrong, until surgeons Dongnan Eye Hospital in Fuzhou city decided to operate, and recovered a large shard of glass embedded 6 cm deep in his eye socket. Xiao plans to keep the 6 cm long shard as a souvenir.
Today’s Daily Quote [brought to you by Kiarasmate!]:
"Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film."
-Steven Wright
Today’s wack fact [brought to you by KM!]:
The word "underground" is the only word in the English Language that starts and ends with the letters "und".
Vital information for your everyday life [brought to you by Teensimba!]:
"A laser pointer isn't something to play around with if you shine it in your eye!"
Thank you Lions and Lionesses for sticking with us through 19 TLKBN broadcasts, as well as our first tri-produced one. We hope you enjoyed it, and we’ll look forward to seeing you in future episodes!