Post by ♠Rafiki♠ on Aug 2, 2007 2:12:10 GMT -5
Good evening Lions and Lionesses!! Welcome to another broadcast of TLKBN, your premier source for retarded news, at the click of a link!! I’m your host, Rafiki the mandrill!!
Hmm… I will need these on my next trip to the land of cell phones, and radio active waste!!
Behold ladies and gentlemen!! You gaze upon the Swiss made, heavy duty, Radiation proof boxer shorts!! Andreas Sallmann produces these undergarments at his factory, Amriswil. Sallmann said “If I am right and mobile phone radiation damages fertility then I won't have any customers left.” He will use these on his 6 sons as well, “to secure the future of the company.”
It would suck to work for Mr. Wu….
A Chinese man by the name of Wu Gong has come up with the totally original [and psychotic?] way of attracting customers--- They get to attack the staff. Mr. Gong said that he got the idea from his time spent as a migrant worker, and the establishment’s main customer body is women who work in the entertainment and service industries. It employs 20 specially trained men, who suit up in protective gear, and dress up as the person that most angers the customer when asked. Passersby have been asked about their opinions on the matter, and the opinions are divided. “Pressure in today's society comes from just about anywhere, from family or from work, from your boss or your girlfriend. We get no place to vent anger,” said salesman Chen Liang. “The idea of beating someone decorated as your boss seems attractive.” Others, like Mr. Liu Yuanyuan, argue that violence is not the answer. “If people really feel angry, they should adjust their lifestyles or seek psychological treatment,”. Here too has Mr. Gong headed that argument off at the pass, by recruiting psychology students from local universities to help especially angered clients.
Hmm…. A Machine gun wouldn’t be my first choice of prosthetic leg….
St. Joseph Hospital in Bellingham, Washington was placed on lockdown after a woman had called authorities saying that she’d seen a man carrying a gun walk in. The hospital was promptly placed on lockdown, and police did a floor-by-floor search of the entire building, looking for the crazed gunman. When none was found, they had the staff and patients evacuated. The woman who’d originally tipped of the cops about it said she saw the same man again. Naturally, he was stopped immediately. No weapon was found, but he was carrying a prosthetic leg, which the woman must have mistaken for the gun. “Everyone did everything right. Like we hoped, it turned out to be a good situation today.” Says Police Deputy Chief David Doll.
This guy is the new Steve Irwin…
Arthur Du Mosch [of Southern Israel] was sleeping with his family when he got the surprise of his life. A wild leopard jumped through the window, rousing the 49-year-old nature guide from his slumber. Apparently, it was chasing the family cat, which had jumped through their window trying to escape. Groggy, and clad in underwear and a T-shirt, Du Mosch did the incredible: Lunged at the wayward leopard, grabbed it by the neck, and pinned it to the ground for a whopping 20 minutes, the time it took other park officials to respond. “This kind of thing doesn’t happen every day,” Du Mosch said, plainly. “I don’t know why I did it. I wasn’t thinking, I just acted.” The leopards in Israel pose no threat to residents, as the ones normally seen near settlements are old, sick, and/or weak leopards who are otherwise too frail to hunt for food in the wild, and instead find sustenance by eating dogs and cats found near civilization. Raviv Shapira, head of the southern district of the Israel Nature and Parks Protection Authority, said that dozens of leopards have been seen around Du Mosch’s settlement, but this is the first time one has been recorded entering private property. Du Mosch is certain that had the weakened leopard that he face been in better health, he would not have been able to restrain it. Du Mosch suffered no reported injuries, although his 2 year old daughter who had been sleeping with them was a bit excited.
Aaaaaannnd that about raps it up for this broadcast of TLKBN, your source for retarded news updates at the click of a forum link!! I’m your host, Rafiki the mandrill, urging you to stay safe, and don’t walk into Hospitals with a prosthetic leg in your hand.
Today’s Wack Fact:
Turtles can breath through their butts.
Today’s Quote:
“Try not! Do…. Or do not!”
-Yoda
Vital information for your everyday life:
If you’re a girl, and your bra is on too tight, you’re uncomfortable. If you’re a boy, and your bra is on too tight, *I’M* uncomfortable!
Hmm… I will need these on my next trip to the land of cell phones, and radio active waste!!
Behold ladies and gentlemen!! You gaze upon the Swiss made, heavy duty, Radiation proof boxer shorts!! Andreas Sallmann produces these undergarments at his factory, Amriswil. Sallmann said “If I am right and mobile phone radiation damages fertility then I won't have any customers left.” He will use these on his 6 sons as well, “to secure the future of the company.”
It would suck to work for Mr. Wu….
A Chinese man by the name of Wu Gong has come up with the totally original [and psychotic?] way of attracting customers--- They get to attack the staff. Mr. Gong said that he got the idea from his time spent as a migrant worker, and the establishment’s main customer body is women who work in the entertainment and service industries. It employs 20 specially trained men, who suit up in protective gear, and dress up as the person that most angers the customer when asked. Passersby have been asked about their opinions on the matter, and the opinions are divided. “Pressure in today's society comes from just about anywhere, from family or from work, from your boss or your girlfriend. We get no place to vent anger,” said salesman Chen Liang. “The idea of beating someone decorated as your boss seems attractive.” Others, like Mr. Liu Yuanyuan, argue that violence is not the answer. “If people really feel angry, they should adjust their lifestyles or seek psychological treatment,”. Here too has Mr. Gong headed that argument off at the pass, by recruiting psychology students from local universities to help especially angered clients.
Hmm…. A Machine gun wouldn’t be my first choice of prosthetic leg….
St. Joseph Hospital in Bellingham, Washington was placed on lockdown after a woman had called authorities saying that she’d seen a man carrying a gun walk in. The hospital was promptly placed on lockdown, and police did a floor-by-floor search of the entire building, looking for the crazed gunman. When none was found, they had the staff and patients evacuated. The woman who’d originally tipped of the cops about it said she saw the same man again. Naturally, he was stopped immediately. No weapon was found, but he was carrying a prosthetic leg, which the woman must have mistaken for the gun. “Everyone did everything right. Like we hoped, it turned out to be a good situation today.” Says Police Deputy Chief David Doll.
This guy is the new Steve Irwin…
Arthur Du Mosch [of Southern Israel] was sleeping with his family when he got the surprise of his life. A wild leopard jumped through the window, rousing the 49-year-old nature guide from his slumber. Apparently, it was chasing the family cat, which had jumped through their window trying to escape. Groggy, and clad in underwear and a T-shirt, Du Mosch did the incredible: Lunged at the wayward leopard, grabbed it by the neck, and pinned it to the ground for a whopping 20 minutes, the time it took other park officials to respond. “This kind of thing doesn’t happen every day,” Du Mosch said, plainly. “I don’t know why I did it. I wasn’t thinking, I just acted.” The leopards in Israel pose no threat to residents, as the ones normally seen near settlements are old, sick, and/or weak leopards who are otherwise too frail to hunt for food in the wild, and instead find sustenance by eating dogs and cats found near civilization. Raviv Shapira, head of the southern district of the Israel Nature and Parks Protection Authority, said that dozens of leopards have been seen around Du Mosch’s settlement, but this is the first time one has been recorded entering private property. Du Mosch is certain that had the weakened leopard that he face been in better health, he would not have been able to restrain it. Du Mosch suffered no reported injuries, although his 2 year old daughter who had been sleeping with them was a bit excited.
Aaaaaannnd that about raps it up for this broadcast of TLKBN, your source for retarded news updates at the click of a forum link!! I’m your host, Rafiki the mandrill, urging you to stay safe, and don’t walk into Hospitals with a prosthetic leg in your hand.
Today’s Wack Fact:
Turtles can breath through their butts.
Today’s Quote:
“Try not! Do…. Or do not!”
-Yoda
Vital information for your everyday life:
If you’re a girl, and your bra is on too tight, you’re uncomfortable. If you’re a boy, and your bra is on too tight, *I’M* uncomfortable!