Post by ♠Rafiki♠ on Aug 2, 2007 2:04:17 GMT -5
Greetings Lions and Lionesses!! Welcome to another broadcast of you guessed it, TLKBN!!!! Where we the staff strive to do our best to bring you only the most nonsense and retarded news updates possible, for your viewing pleasure!
For our first story, we take a look at perhaps one of the most unconventional means of resisting arrest any of us here at TLKBN have ever seen! [This is precisely why I left mom alone when she was preggars with my sis...]
Felicha Marin was caught shoplifting, so she decided to resist arrest, using a weapon. Said weapon was not a gun, or a knife, or even her own two hands. No, she was arrested for squirting breast milk from her right breast all over the arresting officer. She is charged with the above, and has been scheduled to appear before a London court.
Our next story covers a man who likes to hear himself talk. A lot. A WHOLE lot.
Jayasimha Ravirala has officially talked his way into the Guinness book of world records for delivering a whopping, nonstop 111 hour long speech, that spanned 6 days and 5 nights! Mr. Ravirala retired from the Indian Air force, wanting to follow his dream of giving motivational speeches to students and Buisness persons. "The idea of delivering a speech was always there in my mind ... Because I am in this field and that is the reason I thought if I was a good speaker and planned to take up this field, I must do something which would inspire everybody," Said Jayasimha. The lecture was on Personality Development Concepts, and covered such topics like leadership, parenting, employment and interviews. An India newspaper said that the entire thing was "quite stimulating and useful". During the course of this continous speech, Ravirala was allowed only 1 30 second long pause, which was monitored by judges. He said that controlling his sleeping pattern allowed him to achieve such a feat.
Who ever left this load musta gotten into Aunt Helen’s special Habanero sauce….
Toto Ltd. Is sittin’ on one major hot seat after several of its toilets malfunctioned to near hazardous levels. Toto Ltd. made toilets that were integrated with bidgets or “Washlets” that provided creature comforts such as seat warmers, air purifiers and blowdriers. Unfortunatley, several parts inside the toilets rubbed up against each other repeatedly, which caused large amounts of friction, thereby generating heat. This heat was so intense that 21 of the toilets overheated enough to produce thick smoke, and 3 even caught fire. The company is readliy making exchanges and writing checks to pay for the damages, which luckily were only burns to the tank of the toilet itself. So far, no one has been hurt.
I am NOT joking, I want one of these!!
Behold, the slash proof hoodie!! They are made with the same mateiral used in making soldier armor, and the black cotton tops are also lined with kevlar, which is what makes it so resilient. Estimated cost: £65. The idea behind it is that it protects teenagers from knife related crime, and even a knife proof school uniform is floating in limbo. [Which BTW, The church has officially scrapped the idea of….] “There is a real feeling among kids that the streets are not safe," Said Barry Samms, of the firm Bladerunner. "If we can make it trendy to protect yourself then we're doing something to help."
This poor n00b made the ultimate mistake….
A rookie plumber managed to burn down an entire historical mansion in Kingswear, Devon [Southwest England], all on his first day on the job. Reports indicate the n00b plumber was working on a soldering project when some polystyrene insulation caught fire from his blowtorch. The mansion is estimated to be worth a whopping £5 million E.U.R. [$12 million U.S.D.], and was undergoing a complete renovation, estimated at £2 million. Within minutes, the entire mansion had burned to the ground, despite the valiant efforts of some 60 firefighters. John Howes of the fire and rescue service said that the plumber was “Very upset” [oh, I’d imagine… ]. "It appears at this stage that this was an unfortunate plumber who was soldering in the roof space of a large building, which was undergoing total renovation". He said. "We think a blowtorch may have set light to expanded polystyrene foam in the roof space" A neighbor commented "I heard it was started by a teenager on his first day. You have to feel sorry for the poor lad. He must feel terrible,". No one was hurt, and understandably the owner of the mansion was very angry. Despite this though, his spokesman believes there was no malice involved.
THE UNLAWFUL MUST PH34R T3H BALLOON!!!
In what has been called a feeble attempt at trying to lower crime levels in Caracas, Venezuela, workers can be seen in the above picture trying to launch a small remote controlled zeppelin. The blimp would feature a camera that police would be able to use to help react to the high amount of crime in the area. Critics believe the plan is destined for failure, due to the Zeppelin’s inability to take to the air during bad weather, and during the night, when the worst of Venezuela’s crime is out in full force. If it should fail, then the blimp, estimated to be worth $465,000 would have been for naught.
It’s like some sick perversion of that one movie, “The birds”!!
In what can only be described as a twisted version of Alfred Hitchmale organ’s “The Birds”, an invasion of fat, rowdy pigeons have the citizens of Liverpool England reeling. They weren’t much of a problem, until their numbers began to swell at an exponential rate, along with their size. This is believed to be caused by people feeding them leftovers, and giving them scraps. This is both unhealthy and dangerous for the pigeons, but they’ve thrived on it, and instead of their normal diet of seeds and bugs, they’ve been getting fat off human scraps. Along with the sheer weight of their numbers alone, they have been known to dive-bomb and peck passing people, as well as of course their overwhelming amounts of bird poop. To combat this infestation, robotic falcons, that move, scream and look like a typical peregrine falcon [the pigeon’s natural enemy] have been placed all around Liverpool city. Despite the realism of these “Robops” as they’ve been called, a group called “PiCAS UK” says they are an almost laughable method of treatment for the problem. "We believe that this is a complete waste of time...and a waste of money," Said PiCAS UK Director Emma Haskell. "Pigeons are a highly intelligent bird and they soon realize that these mechanical things are not a threat." It remains unseen if these falcon-bots will chase away the pigeons as desired, but all anyone can do now is hope for the best.
Thank you Lions and Lionesses, this has been another Broadcast of The Lion King Boards News!! I'm your host, ace reporter Rafiki the mandrill, urging you not to use your bodily fluids to assault an officer of the law. Or anyone. Thank you, and goodnight!
Today's Quote:
"A soldier will fight long and hard for a bit of colored ribbon."
-Napoleon Bonaparte`
Today's Fact:
It is Anatomically impossible to touch your right elbow with your right hand, or your left elbow with your left hand.
SPECIAL THANKS:THANKS MUCH TEENSIMBA FOR SUBMITTING TODAY'S DAILY FACT!!!
For our first story, we take a look at perhaps one of the most unconventional means of resisting arrest any of us here at TLKBN have ever seen! [This is precisely why I left mom alone when she was preggars with my sis...]
Felicha Marin was caught shoplifting, so she decided to resist arrest, using a weapon. Said weapon was not a gun, or a knife, or even her own two hands. No, she was arrested for squirting breast milk from her right breast all over the arresting officer. She is charged with the above, and has been scheduled to appear before a London court.
Our next story covers a man who likes to hear himself talk. A lot. A WHOLE lot.
Jayasimha Ravirala has officially talked his way into the Guinness book of world records for delivering a whopping, nonstop 111 hour long speech, that spanned 6 days and 5 nights! Mr. Ravirala retired from the Indian Air force, wanting to follow his dream of giving motivational speeches to students and Buisness persons. "The idea of delivering a speech was always there in my mind ... Because I am in this field and that is the reason I thought if I was a good speaker and planned to take up this field, I must do something which would inspire everybody," Said Jayasimha. The lecture was on Personality Development Concepts, and covered such topics like leadership, parenting, employment and interviews. An India newspaper said that the entire thing was "quite stimulating and useful". During the course of this continous speech, Ravirala was allowed only 1 30 second long pause, which was monitored by judges. He said that controlling his sleeping pattern allowed him to achieve such a feat.
Who ever left this load musta gotten into Aunt Helen’s special Habanero sauce….
Toto Ltd. Is sittin’ on one major hot seat after several of its toilets malfunctioned to near hazardous levels. Toto Ltd. made toilets that were integrated with bidgets or “Washlets” that provided creature comforts such as seat warmers, air purifiers and blowdriers. Unfortunatley, several parts inside the toilets rubbed up against each other repeatedly, which caused large amounts of friction, thereby generating heat. This heat was so intense that 21 of the toilets overheated enough to produce thick smoke, and 3 even caught fire. The company is readliy making exchanges and writing checks to pay for the damages, which luckily were only burns to the tank of the toilet itself. So far, no one has been hurt.
I am NOT joking, I want one of these!!
Behold, the slash proof hoodie!! They are made with the same mateiral used in making soldier armor, and the black cotton tops are also lined with kevlar, which is what makes it so resilient. Estimated cost: £65. The idea behind it is that it protects teenagers from knife related crime, and even a knife proof school uniform is floating in limbo. [Which BTW, The church has officially scrapped the idea of….] “There is a real feeling among kids that the streets are not safe," Said Barry Samms, of the firm Bladerunner. "If we can make it trendy to protect yourself then we're doing something to help."
This poor n00b made the ultimate mistake….
A rookie plumber managed to burn down an entire historical mansion in Kingswear, Devon [Southwest England], all on his first day on the job. Reports indicate the n00b plumber was working on a soldering project when some polystyrene insulation caught fire from his blowtorch. The mansion is estimated to be worth a whopping £5 million E.U.R. [$12 million U.S.D.], and was undergoing a complete renovation, estimated at £2 million. Within minutes, the entire mansion had burned to the ground, despite the valiant efforts of some 60 firefighters. John Howes of the fire and rescue service said that the plumber was “Very upset” [oh, I’d imagine… ]. "It appears at this stage that this was an unfortunate plumber who was soldering in the roof space of a large building, which was undergoing total renovation". He said. "We think a blowtorch may have set light to expanded polystyrene foam in the roof space" A neighbor commented "I heard it was started by a teenager on his first day. You have to feel sorry for the poor lad. He must feel terrible,". No one was hurt, and understandably the owner of the mansion was very angry. Despite this though, his spokesman believes there was no malice involved.
THE UNLAWFUL MUST PH34R T3H BALLOON!!!
In what has been called a feeble attempt at trying to lower crime levels in Caracas, Venezuela, workers can be seen in the above picture trying to launch a small remote controlled zeppelin. The blimp would feature a camera that police would be able to use to help react to the high amount of crime in the area. Critics believe the plan is destined for failure, due to the Zeppelin’s inability to take to the air during bad weather, and during the night, when the worst of Venezuela’s crime is out in full force. If it should fail, then the blimp, estimated to be worth $465,000 would have been for naught.
It’s like some sick perversion of that one movie, “The birds”!!
In what can only be described as a twisted version of Alfred Hitchmale organ’s “The Birds”, an invasion of fat, rowdy pigeons have the citizens of Liverpool England reeling. They weren’t much of a problem, until their numbers began to swell at an exponential rate, along with their size. This is believed to be caused by people feeding them leftovers, and giving them scraps. This is both unhealthy and dangerous for the pigeons, but they’ve thrived on it, and instead of their normal diet of seeds and bugs, they’ve been getting fat off human scraps. Along with the sheer weight of their numbers alone, they have been known to dive-bomb and peck passing people, as well as of course their overwhelming amounts of bird poop. To combat this infestation, robotic falcons, that move, scream and look like a typical peregrine falcon [the pigeon’s natural enemy] have been placed all around Liverpool city. Despite the realism of these “Robops” as they’ve been called, a group called “PiCAS UK” says they are an almost laughable method of treatment for the problem. "We believe that this is a complete waste of time...and a waste of money," Said PiCAS UK Director Emma Haskell. "Pigeons are a highly intelligent bird and they soon realize that these mechanical things are not a threat." It remains unseen if these falcon-bots will chase away the pigeons as desired, but all anyone can do now is hope for the best.
Thank you Lions and Lionesses, this has been another Broadcast of The Lion King Boards News!! I'm your host, ace reporter Rafiki the mandrill, urging you not to use your bodily fluids to assault an officer of the law. Or anyone. Thank you, and goodnight!
Today's Quote:
"A soldier will fight long and hard for a bit of colored ribbon."
-Napoleon Bonaparte`
Today's Fact:
It is Anatomically impossible to touch your right elbow with your right hand, or your left elbow with your left hand.
SPECIAL THANKS:THANKS MUCH TEENSIMBA FOR SUBMITTING TODAY'S DAILY FACT!!!