Post by ♠Rafiki♠ on Aug 2, 2007 2:02:59 GMT -5
Good evening Lions and lionesses! This is the newest [belated] TLKBN report! I'm your host, Rafiki the mandril!
Hardcore pedophile prudes are on the prowl again...
Early morning joggers and park patrons have found that statues in the park have had their genitals and other sensitive parts on their stone bodies covered in black tape. It is unknown who or why they did this, and it it also unknown the famed statue called Sinnataggen was left uncovered. This statue is of an angry child. The black sensor bands have since been removed, and the culprit walks free.
And I thought the stupid little baggies had no use...
SkyWest airlines has issued a formal apology to passenger James Whipple, due to problems aboard his flight. The problem was that during pre-flight take off procedures, Mr. Whipple had the terrible urge to relieve his beer inflated bladder. Despite his persistent pleas to use the lavatory, it is against regulations to move while the "Fasten seatbelts" light is on, like Mr. Whipple attempted to do. The flight stewardess refused to allow him to use the bathroom and with no other alternatives other than going all over himself, he did the mcguyver: He relieved himself in the little barf bags available to him. The urge to pee was brought on by two "Really Big Beers" he had waiting for boarding to begin. The incident sparked controversy on how the airline treats it's passengers.
Man, being 20 stories above ground while suspended on a wire makes me sleepy...
A window washing worker in Nashville, Tennisse was found asleep, 20 stories above ground suspened on a saftey wire. Firefighters were able to wake him up by tugging on the wires, and waving a sign to him from behind the windows. He was checked by paramedics upon reaching the ground, and was found to be completely normal, aside from a rapid heartbeat. "I figured he had just either passed out or maybe he had fallen asleep," said onlooker Leroy Anderson, who said he had been watching the man for 30 minutes before fire engines arrived. "It's sunny and warm up there, and there's no wind."
Man, this is why ya save this kinda stuff...
OOPS!!! A computer techie. accidentally deleted account information worth $38,000,000,000 [billion] in records. He was reformatting the disk, when he deleted the sensitive info, which contained the oil sale records of Alasaka. Panic wasn't really a factor, untill their next line of defence, back-up tapes, were unreadable. The only other alternative is to review the original paperwork which is stored in over 300 cardboard boxes.
Man, this d00d died playing his fav. sport...
A human skull was spotted Monday near the 14th tee of the Prairie Course, one of two 18-hole courses at the Countryside Golf Club in Mundelein, according to Lake County Forest Preserve Police Chief John Galford. "It was laying there, right in the middle of the fairway," Galford said. The skull had some odd dental work, including a partial set of dentures, two of the teeth are gold, some of the teeth have a star pattern on them, and one of the front teeth has a golden "R" on it. It is unknown what gender the person is, but police are combing missing persons reports for answers.
Great scott, Titanic Deja Vu?!
$385,000 worth of state of the art equipment and fire-boat construction was found with the it's bow sticking out of the water. The stern was sitting at the bottom of the river, next to where it was moored in the marina. It was not even finished, waiting for other electrical equipment to be installed. The boat was new, having never seen action. It is unknown why it sank, although that is under investigation.
That poor squid...
We all remember the world's largest squid I reported on a while back, right? Well, when he/she was caught, he/she was frozen solid, to preserve him/her. Now comes the task of defreezing it, so they might study it. The old way, leaving it out to melt by itself, would take several days, and the outside would rot, leaving the inside frozen solid. So, the gigantic beast might be headed to the microwave oven!! At the time of capture, the squid, if cut up, would make calamari rings the size of tractor tires. It is priceless to scientists, and it worth millions if it is insured.
I smell a cow uprising....
An 87 year old man in Vernal Utah was hospitolized after two cows knocked him down and head-butted him repeatedly. He was trying to separate them from the herd when they rushed him. His daughter saw the attack and called 911, but by the time authorities got to the home, she had already chased the two away. Despite internal injuries, and broken bones, he is in stable condition.
Behold! Secret messages have reached a new level!!
Scientists have made researched and made billions of microscopic letters, made of a polymer material. The findings will be pulished in a magazine, featuring several pictures. The letters themselves are suspended in a liquid solution, and the real to-do about it is that the letters have astounding fidelity. Other shapes they have made are triangles, crosses, and doughnuts. They have even made several 3-D geometric shapes.
Thank you lions and lionesses, this has been TLKBN, and I’m your host, Rafiki the mandrill, coming to you live from his tree.
Today’s Quote:
"And there is distrust in Washington. I am surprised, frankly, at the amount of distrust that exists in this town. And I'm sorry it's the case, and I'll work hard to try to elevate it." --George W. Bush, interview on National Public Radio, Jan. 29, 2007
Today’s Fact:
There is no one word to describe the back of your knee.
SPECIAL THANKS: THANK YOU KNARRLY FOR YOUR QUOTE AND BEING A BAD*** ADMIN!!!!
Hardcore pedophile prudes are on the prowl again...
Early morning joggers and park patrons have found that statues in the park have had their genitals and other sensitive parts on their stone bodies covered in black tape. It is unknown who or why they did this, and it it also unknown the famed statue called Sinnataggen was left uncovered. This statue is of an angry child. The black sensor bands have since been removed, and the culprit walks free.
And I thought the stupid little baggies had no use...
SkyWest airlines has issued a formal apology to passenger James Whipple, due to problems aboard his flight. The problem was that during pre-flight take off procedures, Mr. Whipple had the terrible urge to relieve his beer inflated bladder. Despite his persistent pleas to use the lavatory, it is against regulations to move while the "Fasten seatbelts" light is on, like Mr. Whipple attempted to do. The flight stewardess refused to allow him to use the bathroom and with no other alternatives other than going all over himself, he did the mcguyver: He relieved himself in the little barf bags available to him. The urge to pee was brought on by two "Really Big Beers" he had waiting for boarding to begin. The incident sparked controversy on how the airline treats it's passengers.
Man, being 20 stories above ground while suspended on a wire makes me sleepy...
A window washing worker in Nashville, Tennisse was found asleep, 20 stories above ground suspened on a saftey wire. Firefighters were able to wake him up by tugging on the wires, and waving a sign to him from behind the windows. He was checked by paramedics upon reaching the ground, and was found to be completely normal, aside from a rapid heartbeat. "I figured he had just either passed out or maybe he had fallen asleep," said onlooker Leroy Anderson, who said he had been watching the man for 30 minutes before fire engines arrived. "It's sunny and warm up there, and there's no wind."
Man, this is why ya save this kinda stuff...
OOPS!!! A computer techie. accidentally deleted account information worth $38,000,000,000 [billion] in records. He was reformatting the disk, when he deleted the sensitive info, which contained the oil sale records of Alasaka. Panic wasn't really a factor, untill their next line of defence, back-up tapes, were unreadable. The only other alternative is to review the original paperwork which is stored in over 300 cardboard boxes.
Man, this d00d died playing his fav. sport...
A human skull was spotted Monday near the 14th tee of the Prairie Course, one of two 18-hole courses at the Countryside Golf Club in Mundelein, according to Lake County Forest Preserve Police Chief John Galford. "It was laying there, right in the middle of the fairway," Galford said. The skull had some odd dental work, including a partial set of dentures, two of the teeth are gold, some of the teeth have a star pattern on them, and one of the front teeth has a golden "R" on it. It is unknown what gender the person is, but police are combing missing persons reports for answers.
Great scott, Titanic Deja Vu?!
$385,000 worth of state of the art equipment and fire-boat construction was found with the it's bow sticking out of the water. The stern was sitting at the bottom of the river, next to where it was moored in the marina. It was not even finished, waiting for other electrical equipment to be installed. The boat was new, having never seen action. It is unknown why it sank, although that is under investigation.
That poor squid...
We all remember the world's largest squid I reported on a while back, right? Well, when he/she was caught, he/she was frozen solid, to preserve him/her. Now comes the task of defreezing it, so they might study it. The old way, leaving it out to melt by itself, would take several days, and the outside would rot, leaving the inside frozen solid. So, the gigantic beast might be headed to the microwave oven!! At the time of capture, the squid, if cut up, would make calamari rings the size of tractor tires. It is priceless to scientists, and it worth millions if it is insured.
I smell a cow uprising....
An 87 year old man in Vernal Utah was hospitolized after two cows knocked him down and head-butted him repeatedly. He was trying to separate them from the herd when they rushed him. His daughter saw the attack and called 911, but by the time authorities got to the home, she had already chased the two away. Despite internal injuries, and broken bones, he is in stable condition.
Behold! Secret messages have reached a new level!!
Scientists have made researched and made billions of microscopic letters, made of a polymer material. The findings will be pulished in a magazine, featuring several pictures. The letters themselves are suspended in a liquid solution, and the real to-do about it is that the letters have astounding fidelity. Other shapes they have made are triangles, crosses, and doughnuts. They have even made several 3-D geometric shapes.
Thank you lions and lionesses, this has been TLKBN, and I’m your host, Rafiki the mandrill, coming to you live from his tree.
Today’s Quote:
"And there is distrust in Washington. I am surprised, frankly, at the amount of distrust that exists in this town. And I'm sorry it's the case, and I'll work hard to try to elevate it." --George W. Bush, interview on National Public Radio, Jan. 29, 2007
Today’s Fact:
There is no one word to describe the back of your knee.
SPECIAL THANKS: THANK YOU KNARRLY FOR YOUR QUOTE AND BEING A BAD*** ADMIN!!!!