Post by ♠Rafiki♠ on Aug 2, 2007 1:28:41 GMT -5
Good morning lions and lionesses. I'm Rafiki the mandrill bringing you TLKBN, your dose of retarded news. [100% au` natural]
Would you like some shrimp to put on that wound?
We all know about chitin right? It makes up the little hard shells on raw shrimp! Well, the army has spent $10 million buying 400,000 chitosan bandages from the medical company Hemcom. Before they made the purchase, the military had tested various fibrin, collagen sponges and nanoporus ceramic powder. The main ingredient for these miracle bandages is chitosan, which is extracted [taken out of] from the exoskeletons of Icelandic shrimp. Chitosan is a mucoadhesive, which means it gets real stick when it mixes with blood. Tests so far have confermed a 97% success rate. The bandages are meant to stop an extenal hemorrhage, which is very heavy bleeding. It's taken from the chitin found in shrimp and insect exoskeletons. Best of all, it's a carbohydrate, not a protien, so it will not cause violent reactions in people allergic to shellfish. Although they are edible, they taste nothing like seafood. Sam medical products has released a powdered version of chitosan called Celox for use with medical and law enforcement purposes. Hemcom will be selling a long bandage called Chitoflex, which can be stuffed into a bleeding wound. Hemcom will also be releasing a commercial version of the bandage this summer.
AIDS has been thought to be incureable. Not so says Iran!
Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinjad is set top unveil an herbal cure for AIDS. He is set to do this Feb. 11th, and the drug is called "IMOD". He is supposed to do this during the "Ten day dawn", the anniversary of the revolution.
*No word yet on if this report is confirmed yet*
Faking a death? If you don't want to get caught then...
Alison Matera faked her own death, but her cover was blown when she was caught sitting through her own memorial service. She told her friends at a church she had "gotten" cancer and was "giving" them updates on her condition. She finally told her friends that she was giving up the fight, and retired to a hospice to die. The nurse kept getting calls from various family members on details for the body, but she reported that all of them sounded exactly like Matera. The nurse called the church chior director to tell her she had died. The director called the funeral home Matera was supposed to be in, but they said they never heard of Matera. At the cerimony, a woman showed up looking exactly like Matera, claiming to be her sister. Choir members called the police for assistance, who showed up at her apartment where she confessed.
Thank you ladies an gentlemen, this was TLKBN, and I'm your host, Rafiki the mandrill, saying he's got a a belly ache and is home sick.
Would you like some shrimp to put on that wound?
We all know about chitin right? It makes up the little hard shells on raw shrimp! Well, the army has spent $10 million buying 400,000 chitosan bandages from the medical company Hemcom. Before they made the purchase, the military had tested various fibrin, collagen sponges and nanoporus ceramic powder. The main ingredient for these miracle bandages is chitosan, which is extracted [taken out of] from the exoskeletons of Icelandic shrimp. Chitosan is a mucoadhesive, which means it gets real stick when it mixes with blood. Tests so far have confermed a 97% success rate. The bandages are meant to stop an extenal hemorrhage, which is very heavy bleeding. It's taken from the chitin found in shrimp and insect exoskeletons. Best of all, it's a carbohydrate, not a protien, so it will not cause violent reactions in people allergic to shellfish. Although they are edible, they taste nothing like seafood. Sam medical products has released a powdered version of chitosan called Celox for use with medical and law enforcement purposes. Hemcom will be selling a long bandage called Chitoflex, which can be stuffed into a bleeding wound. Hemcom will also be releasing a commercial version of the bandage this summer.
AIDS has been thought to be incureable. Not so says Iran!
Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinjad is set top unveil an herbal cure for AIDS. He is set to do this Feb. 11th, and the drug is called "IMOD". He is supposed to do this during the "Ten day dawn", the anniversary of the revolution.
*No word yet on if this report is confirmed yet*
Faking a death? If you don't want to get caught then...
Alison Matera faked her own death, but her cover was blown when she was caught sitting through her own memorial service. She told her friends at a church she had "gotten" cancer and was "giving" them updates on her condition. She finally told her friends that she was giving up the fight, and retired to a hospice to die. The nurse kept getting calls from various family members on details for the body, but she reported that all of them sounded exactly like Matera. The nurse called the church chior director to tell her she had died. The director called the funeral home Matera was supposed to be in, but they said they never heard of Matera. At the cerimony, a woman showed up looking exactly like Matera, claiming to be her sister. Choir members called the police for assistance, who showed up at her apartment where she confessed.
Thank you ladies an gentlemen, this was TLKBN, and I'm your host, Rafiki the mandrill, saying he's got a a belly ache and is home sick.